Once Upon a Beard


A haiku original by Emmanuel Monge

There once was no beard,

But it grew after sometime.

How long should it grow?


Here is the scoop folks! There is…a beard on my face. Wait! No…a man forest!

The Jawbristle,


Kitchen Shelf,

the Chilly Cheeks,

the Patchy McGee….

the…Duck Dynasty Commander Beard!





Now, this is what I looked like a couple of months ago with a clean shave:

So, here is this new entry, but what all can be said about a beard? I want to share the 5 things I’ve learned from the beard:

1) It takes work NOT to have a beard. – – – Shaving is truly, truly an art form. We men learn many ways of how to shave, but for me, in a nutshell, it takes about 15 minutes for a nice solid shave. Funny side story, in high school we were not allowed to have any facial hair, but I get my 5 o’clock shadow at … 8 AM… There were many mornings where I was forced to shave at school.

2) The wife actually prefers a light beard: 

Lindsey and I had met after I had begun my weight loss journey, and I had promised myself that once I lost the first 40 lbs I would shave, no matter how many double chins I had! I had a trimmed beard throughout the duration of our early courtship. She was hesitant because she only knew me having a beard. After some time, and various phases of beard – having no beard, I have learned that she likes the light beard.


3. The Itch – – – Gentlemen!!! Those who are brave enough to let the beard grow beyond the 5 o’clock shadow…know…”the itch.” Yes, for those among you who are unaware, after some time, the beard begins to take form…and grow. Grow? Well, yea, Facial Hair will grow. No! Men can feel the tiny man tree-lings pierce the flesh and find their own freedom, basking in the glory of entering into a community that as a whole is soon becoming…a beard! ….(plus, a beard itches a lot!)


4. The Random Compliments – – – Here is something that is completely new to me = random people will compliment the beard! Now, I’ve gotten them from coworkers and friends, but when random people politely drop the “nice beard,” it’s a bit odd. We struggle so much on how to start conversations, trying to find mutual interests, but apparently all one needs is a beard. I was a bit weary growing out the beard to its current length because I felt I was getting strange looks, but after time those “looks” turned into various comments. 



5. How Long Should It Grow? – – – I opened up with a funny haiku, but I am struggling with this question – how long? Originally I was growing it out for a Warrior Dash (a 5k with an obstacle course), but that didn’t pan out … so, I just kept it growing. Now, there is some work to maintaining a beard. I take clippers every 2 weeks and make sure it’s even length because sometimes there are parts that grow longer than others. I also take scissors to trim the mustache around my upper lip. Other than that…it’s still growing…

There it is folks, the beard! The beard and I have been on this journey for almost two months now. I once had no beard, now I have a beard, but one day… it will be gone. I await learning more from the beard as time passes by!